If you never ask you'll never know
by Suizokukan
Summary: Satoshi finds himself asking Krad a lot of things he never considered before, and he finds himself getting interested when he gets the answers.


Title: If you never ask you'll never know  
Author: Suizokukan  
Summary: Satoshi finds himself asking Krad a lot of things he never considered before, and he finds himself getting interested when he gets the answers.  
Disclaimer: I do not own D. and I do not get any money for this. This is purely fanmade.

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So, this is my first D. fic ever, and the first fanfic I write in almost four years now, so you could call it my first one. I just couldn't sleep for a night again, and I got this in my head at around 6:30 am and just felt like typing it. Hope you enjoy.

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"I can handle this without your helpful comments, Krad."

Satoshi was staring at the homework in front of him. It was an easy homework in math, where he only had to solve equations. It wouldn't take more than half an hour for him to finish it, if he could only get started on it.

"**I only asked why you feel the need to do this. You are a clever boy, Satoshi-sama. You have already done this. You already have your grades. I understand if you keep going to school to get close to Niwa Daisuke, but doing homework seems unnecessary, and if you are doing it because you feel you have nothing better to do, then find something to do!"**

Satoshi looked at the clock. Half past five. There might some interesting shows on TV tonight. But before that, he would need to finish his homework.

"What does it matter to you?" he muttered, trying to ignore the pressing feeling of Krad's presence at the back of his head, and once again he stared down at the homework in front of him.

"**I only care about you, Satoshi-sama, and I think it seems like a waste of time to do something you have already done. There is so much else you can do, but you rather prefer to sit in front of a school bench the whole days, and then continue doing school work after you get home. And that for something you have already finished. That does not make any sense."**

"And what would you suggest I'd do instead?" Krad was getting annoying. Whatever Satoshi decided to on his spare time was completely up to him. Why would Krad have to question it? He mostly slept most of the time anyway. Maybe. Satoshi could never really tell if Krad was asleep or not. Whatever he did, Krad usually didn't bother Satoshi like he was doing now.

"**Why not something you want to do?"**

Krad was really getting annoying. "Maybe this_ is_ what I want to do. I ask again: What does it matter to you?" He wished Krad would just stay quiet and let him begin on his homework. He was looking forward to a lazy evening, and not having to think about doing anything for the rest of the night, and Krad was not helping him finish any sooner.

"**I already answered that. I care about you. You are everything I have."**

Satoshi's face didn't display any emotions, but inwardly he sighed. This again. Was there no way to make Krad stop bothering him with those lies? Because lies was all it was. Krad neither loved or even cared for Satoshi. He had never heard anyone say that Krad had actually ever cared for someone, and Krad's actions hadn't really helped proving that wrong. Everything he had ever done had been without consideration for him, or anyone else. But no matter how many times Satoshi told Krad, _ordered_ Krad, to shut up, he always kept telling those lies. There had to be a more permanent way to keep him quiet.

Satoshi's eyes almost widened when he thought about something. It was childish and something Dark could do, and not something he would usually think of, but if nothing else helped, why not try it? He picked his pen up and, seemingly bored, started scribbling his name on his homework paper.

"You and Dark are supposed to be opposites of each other. So, since Dark like women, does that mean you like guys?"

"**Satoshi-sama!"**

Satoshi almost grinned at the shock he could hear in Krad's voice. It was obviously not what he had expected to hear.

"Well, that's the impression I get with all of your talk. If you don't want me to misunderstand, then I'd suggest that you think about what you say before saying it."

____________________________________________________________________________

"Does it never feel weird? Knowing that Dark is your other half, and yet fight him?"

Satoshi was sitting under a tree, looking up at the clouds that was still far in distance. It was a warm spring day, and he was free for the whole day. Sundays weren't that bad he guessed.

The clouds he had been looking at were dark and threatened with the typical spring showers, but one of them had made him think about Krad and Dark. It had suddenly appeared a small hole in the middle of it, letting through some rays of sunshine, and as it looked like they would soon join again, they instead began pushing each other for dominance. What had once been one had suddenly split in two and started fighting with it's previous self. Just like Krad and Dark. It had looked a little funny to Satoshi, which was he had asked the question before he even realized the words had crossed his lips.

"**I do not think like that anymore. Dark is Dark, and I am who I am."**

"Anymore? That means you used to think it was weird?" He wasn't sure why he pressed the subject, but a part of him was curious. He had never really thought about this before. He had always thought about it the same way Krad just mentioned – that Dark was Dark and Krad was Krad – but how it was before it became like that, it was something he didn't know. This was a part of the Hikari artwork's history he had yet to learn.

"**I used to be terrified at the knowledge."**

Satoshi looked to his side, trying to see Krad, but he couldn't. Instead he made himself more comfortable against the tree, waiting for Krad to continue. Maybe this could be an interesting story.

" **As Kokuyoku we were one and the same person. We were a whole; a complete being. When we were at first separated, I was very confused. I had no idea what had happened. I was also horrified to notice that I did not have a body anymore. It was very traumatic to suddenly find myself inside someone else's mind, not knowing anything."**

Satoshi tried to imagine how it would have been if he had never known about Krad before he appeared. If he suddenly had felt that pain overwhelming him when Krad took control, and then find himself out of control of his own body, and knowing that he was not alone in that body. Yes, he would also be terrified. Panic-stricken even. He could imagine how scared Krad must have been. Just like his ancestor also must have been.

"**The first time my host, Kohri, transformed into me, and I suddenly found myself in control of a body, was no easier. I did not look very much like I remembered I did. It was like I was a completely different person. I was scared and confused, and Kohri was no help. All he could do was to talk incoherently to himself, and was almost on the edge to madness.**

"**When I finally found out that I had been separated in two parts, I was very surprised. It _did _feel weird, and unbelievable. The first time I saw Dark, I could not believe my eyes. Was that supposed to be my other half I had lost? It was very unreal, seeing my other half in the same state as me, and yet being a separate person on his own."**

Satoshi frowned. Krad and Dark didn't look very much alike. They had the same face, and their eyes might look the same at some times, but other than that, there was not really anything he could think of that made the two look alike. Were they even the same hight? He had never noticed if they were. It _must_ have been really weird for both of them.

**  
"I tried to get an explanation from Kohri, but all he said was that he refused to speak me. I was only a failed creation. He had been working on Kokuyoku for years, devoted his life to it, and then 'that Niwa' had come and ruined it all. His masterpiece had turned out being his biggest failure and his greatest shame. That is what he told me when I tried to speak to him. After that, all he did was cursing the Niwa, telling me how worthless I was and how much he wished I had never been created.**

"**Not knowing what to do, I did the only thing I could think of. I attempted to get his acceptance by trying to catch the Niwa he always cursed. It was not easy, to get control, since he fought me with all he had. He fought even harder than you do, Satoshi-sama."**

Satoshi snorted. That Kohri must have been really stubborn or really strong. Or maybe it just appeared like that to Krad, since he still didn't have any experience in taking over a body with force? They should have been equals on that matter, and if Kohri had just a little stronger will than Krad, it would appear to Krad that he fought even harder than Satoshi himself did.

"**The few times I actually managed to get control, Dark was always there, protecting the Niwa who had become _his_ host. I did, however, never manage to catch the Niwa. One of the main reasons was simply that it was too weird fighting against 'myself'. My plan for acceptance backfired, and Kohri ended up hating me even more instead. I had really proved to him how worthless I was, not even being able to catch even one single thief who kept stealing his creations that were _not_ failures.**

"**After his death, when I was reborn in the next male Hikari, Kohri's son, the hatred against me was still strong. He blamed me for Kohri's death. Said I had driven him to madness, and given him a far too early death. He also knew exactly how worthless I was, and he wished I had never been created. The harsh words never stopped and the hatred never weakened. It did not matter how many generations passed. Nothing ever changed. The hatred was always there and so was the mental abuse – because that is what it was."**

"That's... terrible." Satoshi really didn't know what he would say. What_ was_ there to say?

**"But this is the real story about my life, Satoshi-sama."**

"How did you handle it?"

**"I handled it the only way I could; I stopped caring. I locked up all of my emotions. All except from the hatred I felt against the Niwas. And Dark. That was the only thing that helped me through all these years."**

This surprised Satoshi. He hadn't heard anything in Krad's story yet that gave away any reason for Krad to hate Dark. "I can understand if you hate the Niwas, but why Dark? It wasn't his choice to manifest them."

**"I know that, Satoshi-sama. I did not hate Dark for that. But I did hate him for protecting them. He was my other half, yet he protected the family who had caused this to happen in the first place. He was not... loved, I cannot say he was. But the Niwas had accepted him. He kept making me look like a fool, kept feeding the Hikaris hatred against me. He was my other half but he did not even care. He hardly knew I existed anymore. I decided that the both of us was too much. If we had to live as separate beings, it was enough with one. I did not need Dark to make my existence any harder than it already was."**

"Hard? It does sound like it was bad, but you can't still say you are being mentally abused, can you?" Satoshi suddenly felt defensive for some reason. He wasn't _that_ bad to Krad, was he? He couldn't be one of the many Hikaris that Krad had just mentioned, could he? "I am hard on you, but I have never told you that you are worthless or that I wish you never existed, have I?"

**"Satoshi-sama... Telling me to 'get lost', is that not to say you wish I was not here? Telling me that you do not need me, or my powers, is that not the same thing as telling me that I am worthless to you?"**

Satoshi didn't say anything. His lips were parted, as if he wanted to protest, but he could find no words.

_____________________________________________________________________________

"There is something I wanted to ask you, Krad" Satoshi sat down on his couch after yet another night with a failed attempt to catch Dark. "I just wonder... There has been so many chances for you to take over my body when I've been letting my guard down, but you haven't done it most of those times. Tonight was one such time. I had the upper hand on Dark there for a while, and I almost forgot about you. You could have easily surprised me there and killed Dark on the spot, but you never did. Why?"

It wasn't like he wanted Krad to take over his body and use it for killing Dark. He didn't want to see anyone hurt, but he wanted to know what stopped Krad from trying. There had to be something, and his curiosity took the best of him.

**"I cannot kill, Satoshi-sama"**

"What?" This was something he had never heard before. All his life he had heard stories about how the fearful Hikari curse Krad had been nothing but thirsty for his other half's and the Niwas blood, and that he would stop at nothing until he had eventually killed them. How was that possible... if he _could _not kill?

**"I cannot kill. I was never granted that sort of ability when I was created. Dark cannot kill either. What Dark can and cannot do, I can and cannot do. It works in the other direction also. What I can and cannot do, Dark can and cannot do. We were the same person, after all, and we still have the same abilities even after being separated."**

Satoshi was about to ask about it when another question came to his mind.

"You're saying that what Dark can do, you can do... Answer me one thing Krad. Dark has the ability to love. Can _you_ love?"

**"I love you, Satoshi-sama"**

This time Satoshi actually rolled his eyes. This _again_? Hadn't he managed to make Krad stop that already? "No, you don't, and we both know that. I don't know who you are trying to convince, but it's not working. Just answer my question Krad. Can you love?"

**"I do not know. I never had the opportunity to find out, but I suppose I can. Why wouldn't I?"**

Satoshi pondered this for a few moments. It's not like Krad ever got any love to respond to before, so of course he never had a chance to actually find out. But he hadn't gone so far as trying to kill his own heart like the Hikaris had. Krad had just admitted that he couldn't kill. Not even his own heart it seemed like, because a heart that was dead would not feel even hatred. Krad was right. Why wouldn't he be able to love? Satoshi smiled. It sure was an interesting curse he got.


End file.
